Week 3 - Knapp's Relational Model 

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Friendships are marvelous, and even necessary, to have, especially as an adult.  They require care and maintenance to last for years.  Sometimes they have hiccups and bumps in the road.  Sometimes they terminate for months, years, or forever.  This year I went through the Avoidance and Termination phases of Knapp's Relational Model with a friend of mine.  We met almost seven years ago on the job at a retail store and felt an immediate bond, like best friends or sisters.  We saw each other change jobs, move, change relationships, struggle and succeed at many things.  At the height of our relationship we talked on the phone everyday and we met up in person about once a week to hang out.  When I moved into my boyfriends house and went back to school we saw each other rarely and talked infrequently.  Her priorities shifted so that she was in constant contact with her husband and co-workers all day, helping to fix all their issues.  I was learning how to be more self sufficient and spent more of my time studying and going to school.   Our communication turned to texting one another most days to say good morning, but not much else.  

This past spring, as I was nearing graduation from community college, I wanted to focus on my engineering physics coursework.  The physics course was backloaded with multiple assignments and labs due the last month of the term.  When I communicated with my group of friends that I was going to be absent for a few weeks the majority of them wished me luck.  Except this friend.  She continually texted me, told me she was here for me, she was checking in on me.  After the first few messages I stopped replying.  I had expressed to her that I needed some silence to focus on my tasks at hand.  She kept on texting.  I stopped replying.  This was my part of the Avoidance stage.  Despite clearly stating my needs and reasons she could not leave me alone.  A few weeks later she sent me a mean text accusing me of using her.  She was trying to get a response out of me any way she could.  I chose not to respond to her.  I was in the Termination stage.  The reason I chose not to respond to her was because we had had our share of disagreements over the years.  I had a feeling any response from me would have encouraged her to respond with anger.  There was no room for clear communication with her anymore.  At this point in time the friendship is terminated.  I am grateful she was in my life and  I wish her nothing but the best in all of her relationships and ventures.  Sometimes we get to know when it's time to say goodbye.